How To Handle Difficult Colleagues at Work

Since we discussed collaborating effectively with colleagues at work last week, I thought this week, we would discuss how to deal with difficult colleagues at the office.  Our jobs take up a sizeable portion of our days.  Other than sleep, work takes up most of our time.  That said, going to work each day and facing a toxic co-worker can only add stress to your daily life and make it more difficult to get your job done.  When you encounter colleagues like this, it can often make life miserable which is no fun for anyone.  Even things as simple as personality clashes and differing work habit can affect the quality of your work day.  But learning how to tolerate a problematic and challenging co-worker will make you a better employee overall and equip you with the tools to do your job better even in the face of such a challenge.  The good news is that there are some measures that you can effectively put in place to deal with testy colleagues and here are some ways to do just that.

Always greet your co-workers in a friendly manner even if they don’t do so in return and even if it makes you grit your teeth to do just that.  Getting along with colleagues, no matter how difficult a challenge, is something that must be done, if not just to maintain your own sanity but in order to perform more effectively at work.

Be calm with challenging co-workers.  Never lose your temper or flare up at them.  This will only lead to a more difficult relationship and add unnecessary stress to your daily work life.  Unless you are certain that anger will trigger a person into changing their behavior and you are using it as a strategy to fix things, it is better to remain calm.  Someone who is calm is seen as being in control of their emotions and also seen as a mature person.  Don’t sink to a difficult colleague’s level.  You might often start to get the attention of those that are difficult if you remain calm at all times no matter how hard it may be to do so.

Try to see the other person’s point of view and try walking in their shoes.  Maybe a difficult colleague is experiencing challenges in his or her own personal life that they are bringing with them to the office and taking out on others.  Even if it might seem at times like a difficult colleague is out to get you, remember that there is always an underlying reason that is motivating said person to act the way he or she does.  Rarely is this motivation apparent so try to identify the person’s triggers and steer clear of them.  Think about what is making a colleague act inappropriately and disabling them from cooperating with you.  Maybe if you try, you can help them resolve their needs and encourage them to change their behavior.

Try getting advice from other colleagues and get some perspective from others.  In all likelihood, your “friendly,” even-tempered colleagues have experienced similar situation with other people or that same person in particular.  They might be able to see things from a different angle and offer a new take on the situation and guide you as to how you should handle the problem.  Seek them out and share your story and most importantly, listen to what they have to say.  You might very well find some exceedingly helpful advice amidst the conversation.

While you do want to remain calm, you are entitled to confront a difficult co-worker and tell them that their behavior is inappropriate and is affecting your work life negatively.  Let the other person know where you are coming from.  Letting them into your thought process on why the relationship in its current situation is not working will often enable them to empathize with your situation in return.  This might help them get “on-board” and change their patterns which will, in turn, make your job easier and less stressful overall.

Build a rapport.  Try connecting with a difficult colleague on a personal level.  Try befriending them and this might help them change their negative behavior towards you.  Invite them to lunch or after-work drinks where you can get to know them and garner more insight into what is going on in their personal lives that might be the catalyst behind their negativity at the office.  Offer a listening ear and sage advice.  Learning more about your colleagues on a personal level can only help your relationship thrive in the long-run.

No matter how frustrated you may get with a difficult co-worker, always treat them with respect and maybe they will return that respect in kind.  No one likes to be treated like they are incapable or incompetent so if you feel a colleague is treating you that way, treat them in the opposite way and often they will follow suit.  As cliché as it may sound: Always do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

Take action.  Instead of focusing on what you can’t change about a difficult colleague, focus on what you can change and think of new and innovative ways to do that especially in how you approach them daily.  Don’t dwell on past situation.  Acknowledge that they have happened and rather harping on what you can’t change, focus on actionable steps you can take moving forward to change your relationship with them and turn a negative situation into a positive one.

Additionally, if you’ve already tried everything to better a relationship with a difficult colleague, you can always try to just ignore the situation if things are not improving and the other person is not being receptive no matter your best efforts to change the relationship you have with them.  Focus on the positive people at work and ask your boss to partner you up on projects with those people instead.

As a last resort, if it comes down to it, seek out authority for resolution.  If things become unbearable with a colleague, there is no shame in speaking with a superior about the situation.  While it’s best to try to resolve things first one-on-one, sometimes you have no choice but to go to your boss when things get out of hand.  A top-down approach is often best and takes the problem off your plate.  Let your boss handle the situation and your stress-level will decrease significantly.  That said, be careful not to exercise this option all the time so you are not seen as incapable of handling your own problems but you can always use it as the final ultimatum.  No one should have to put up with a continuously difficult colleague daily that bring down office morale and make your job more challenging than it needs to be.  Sometimes you have to put your own interests ahead of the trouble you might cause for others in terms of being reprimanded by a superior.

So what have we learned here today about dealing with difficult colleagues in an office environment?  Have you handled such co-workers in a similar fashion or have you taken a different approach to this problem?  Leave a comment and let me know.  Let’s start a dialogue and conversation.  Your feedback is always welcome!

Here are some articles you might want to check out about how to handle difficult colleagues at work:

“How to Deal with Difficult co-Workers”: http://www.forbes.com/sites/dorieclark/2012/05/23/how-to-deal-with-difficult-co-workers/

“10 Difficult Employees (And How to Handle Them): http://www.inc.com/ss/geoffrey-james/annoying-colleagues-and-how-to-manage#3

“Ten Tips for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers”: http://www.allbusiness.com/coping-with-toxic-coworkers/15607989-5.html

“5 Ways to Cope with The Co-worker from Hell”: http://www.lifescript.com/life/money/work/co-worker_from_hell_5_ways_to_deal.aspx

Until next time…

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